What does it mean when you call someone your friend? Just one convo at a time, let’s discuss friendship and what this relationship means.

What is a friend?

A friend is someone who feels like home. For instance, they are someone with whom you can be your most comfortable self. They serve as your personal comedian, a shoulder on which you can lean, and a partner to share moments of life. Additionally, a friend is someone you can expect to keep it real with you and genuinely care about your well-being. They may not always tell you what you want to hear, but they will tell you what you need to hear while being mindful of how it’s said. A friend will hold you accountable and won’t watch you destroy your life, they will help you as long as you’re receptive.

A friend is someone we all need.

Are you a good friend?

On the contrary, you have to be a good friend to the people you consider your friend. They deserve someone who will care about them, too. Someone who will reciprocate energy and pour effort into upholding the relationship.

How to know if you’re a good friend

• Self-evaluate and answer: “Am I treating my friends the way I want to be treated?” Study Luke 6:31
• Be honest and answer: “Do I switch up on my friends when they do something I don’t agree with?”
• Check-in with and ask your friends: “How do you feel our relationship is going? Are there any areas where we can improve?”
• Write a list of what you appreciate about your friends and ask: “How am I showing them I appreciate them?”

Basically, having good friends starts with you being a good friend and knowing how to identify those traits in others.

Boundaries are the lifeline of friendships

To clarify, boundaries are behaviors that show others how you need to be treated to experience a healthy relationship. Discuss what you helps you feel comfortable and uncomfortable in relationships; therefore, don’t expect them to read your mind.

For example, if you are someone who values your space, then you can mention to your friend that you have a non-negotiable “me-time” where you won’t be available to be what they need. Reassure them that outside of that time, you have the space and availability to be there with them.

Essentially, if they are your friend, they will hear and respect your boundaries. If they disregard your boundaries the first time, stand firm and show them you meant what you said. Unfortunately, when you don’t stick to the boundaries you set, it confuses the relationship and it become difficult to navigate. This difficulty leads to conflict that can be avoided when boundaries are solid.

Boundaries are not requests; they are requirements

Furthermore, you need to know yourself to set strong boundaries. You need to know how to listen to your emotions and respond accordingly. What makes you angry? Which conversations make you uncomfortable? What kind of jokes are off limits for you? How does someone’s behavior contribute to your emotions? Knowing how to answer questions about yourself will help you set strong boundaries.

Everyone won’t be your friend and that’s normal

There are billions of people on Mother Earth. That being said, there is no way everyone is going to find interest in you and you interest in them. There are a few different categories you can put people in when you meet them, but I want briefly discuss three of them:

• Acquaintances: These are people with whom you network, maybe you went to school together or worked together.
• Social Friends: These are people with whom you share interests and spend time together every now and then
• Intimate, Lifelong Friends: These are people with whom you can expect to be there in times of need, aren’t afraid of being judged, and you feel they are family. Nothing can break these relationships

Friends change over time. It’s a natural process. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge this part of life.

Who your friends are matters.

After all, we all need a friend. One of the best friends there is, is Jesus. Jesus laid His life down for His friends to live a life in direct connection with God. John the Apostle write Jesus’ command:

12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:12-15

God created us for companionship; we are commanded to love one another just as God loves us. Belonging to a group of friends is critical to our health. For instance, the devil’s strongest tactic is division and isolation. Being isolated leads to emotional discomfort, depression, sleep disorders, anxiety, and substance abuse. Loneliness is heartbreaking.

God gifts us friends as a source of love, healing, joy, and encouragement.

Be a good friend first and you will have good friends.