At the beginning of this year, I was starting to lose hope and thought that the type of man I desire is nonexistent. I’ve been abstinent since 2022, and I stopped dating then until 2025. Prior to 2022, I dealt with men with whom I was not at all aligned. I was just a young, dumb, and broken-hearted young adult. I searched for love through men I barely even knew, but didn’t hesitate to share my body with them for a quick dopamine hit. Unfortunately, I got addicted to those quick hits, then stayed tolerating those shitty relationships for longer than I should have.

I spent the past four years with tunnel vision, focused on healing, understanding myself as a woman, and consistently being the best version of myself. In alignment with this discovery and growth, I realized that I am ready to share all of who I am with an equally yoked man of God.

Let me tell you how I ended up experiencing one of my favorite dates thus far.

It seemed like the man I envisioned for my future was just a figment of my imagination. A dream. That was until Mr. Lujo captured my attention at a Chicago Cosplay party. I walked into the party intending to just celebrate my girl friend’s birthday, and I ended up with a fun experience gift, too.

I remember most of the night vividly. But for some reason, I have no idea how Mr. Lujo came to be near me. I didn’t see him when I walked in, and I’m usually pretty quick at scoping out the attractive people in rooms. Honestly, that night I wasn’t on the prowl. I was still in that “what I’m looking for doesn’t exist” mode, so my selective attention was focused on my girl until she stepped away to mingle with some of her other friends.

Instead of waiting awkwardly in a room full of strangers, I went to the bar to order my first cocktail of the night. After a 335-day dry spell from drinking, I decided I deserved to let loose a little bit.

Here’s the thing…

That technically wasn’t my first cocktail of the night because we pregamed before arriving at the venue. By the time I stepped into the building, I knew I looked sexy in my Shego fit and was feeling myself. I didn’t make a big deal about it, and my confidence still radiated through my walk and overall demeanor. My intention was to have a great night of companionship, good music, and dancing.

Imagine my surprise when this fine man asks, “Who are you supposed to be?” Shocked by his question,  I responded, “You’ve never watched Kim Possible?!” And from there, it was history…jk!

Mr. Lujo was wearing a bright red suit. The suit showed off his tall, lean physique – my favorite male body type. His hair was neatly retwisted. He had clean, manicured fingernails. Beautiful, soft, brown eyes. His skin looked like it was lightly kissed by the sun. He damn near looked picture-perfect and fresh out of a magazine. As the creator and lead photographer for VPerspective Photography, I know a model when I see one. High-key, I was mesmerized, but I knew better than to let physical appearance sway me.

While his sudden yet poised presence drew me in on the surface, the convo had me feeling like I was in a cosmic experience. I almost couldn’t believe that I was standing in the middle of a party connecting with this man, with whom I would learn I have so much in common.

Keeping my composure felt like an impossible balancing act. I was enamored by him! That’s such a rare feeling for me, so I had to lean into the experience. I wasn’t focusing on where the convo could go; I just knew that I was fully present in it. At times, I felt confused about how this random man and I connected so deeply, so fast. I hardly meet men who can handle an intellectual convo – let alone in a party where speakers are blaring loudly, and people are drunk and having the time of their lives. The rest of the room sounded like subtle background noise rather than a distraction from our conversation. I’m still surprised by how we were able to maintain a consistent connection despite the impeding environment.

For the remainder of the party, Mr. Lujo and I shared several stories, interrupted only by the urge to dance to a song we recognized from our childhood. Another bonus about him is that he’s the same age as me with a summer birthday! Lol, that may be a little thing to you, but for me, I can only consider men within my age as a potential partner. I don’t want a man who is super young or super old compared to me. Anything more than a 3-year difference is far too large for me!

Our night ended around 2am. We said our goodbyes, and then I wouldn’t hear from him again despite exchanging cell numbers.

It was slightly jarring to go from having such an amazing conversation to complete silence days later. I didn’t fret about it; instead, I focused on the BeYOUtiful experience I had that night.

God used Mr. Lujo to show me that there are men He has who fit my desire. Connecting with Mr. Lujo felt like a gift from God – not necessarily because of Mr. Lujo himself, but what the connection revealed to me. That interaction gave me hope!

Of course, I cared if he hit me up again, but my life wouldn’t be over if he hadn’t. Because I’m so used to being ghosted, I deleted his number after I realized he wasn’t going to hit me up.

A couple of days after the cosplay party, I received a text saying, “I’m taking you salsa dancing Saturday, are you available?” I was in the middle of my Sewing 101 course when I saw the notification banner pop up on my screen. I couldn’t open my texts because I was in the middle of a handy project, so I had no idea who the text was from.

It didn’t help that there was no text history either. I had to do some digging to realize who sent me the text without flat-out responding, “Who are you?” It dawned on me after my class ended – it was Mr. Lujo! I was excited, but kind of pissed because why the hell did it take so long?!

Lol, I spoke about the situation with a couple of my coworkers, and two of them had mentioned this “3-day Rule” that men supposedly follow. I’m sure my flabbers had been ghasted because what type of shit is that? Do men really do that?

Anyway, I agreed to go on the date because we connected over salsa dancing when we first met. He’d mentioned that he started salsa dancing during COVID and that he attends lessons throughout the city. It was the perfect choice for me because I told him I started salsa dancing in 2025, although I’ve been incorporating Latin dances into my freestyles for years.

The Salsa Dancing Date

We coordinated a meet-up time and location, then he drove us to the venue. That man is a Chicago driver for sure! I was nearly clutching the Jesus handle with the way he was driving. I prayed the whole time that we’d make it to our destination. Lmao, I’ve been an Uber driver for six years, and I’m so glad they enforce traffic rules in our Uber app. I will never drive that recklessly, but we made it to the salsa spot in one piece.

We walked in a few minutes before the salsa lesson started, so we had the chance to get to know each other better. I learned a lot about his character from the stories he shared and the evidence he showed. He’s such a nerd! And, I was intrigued by every ounce of his nerdiness. It felt good to be in the company of someone with whom I can be myself. Oftentimes, with men, I don’t feel comfortable geeking out on topics like political analysis, psychological studies, and holistic hippie shit. Our convo seamlessly flowed through a plethora of topics.

Before we knew it, it was time to head to the dance floor. Typically, in salsa lessons, you rotate dance partners to practice learning how others move and how to move with others. We discussed whether we’d switch partners on the way to the restaurant. When I asked him if he switches partners, he mentioned, “This night is different.” I took that to mean we wouldn’t be switching partners since it was a first date and not his regular lesson. He shared that he usually goes out with a group of dancers and they take lessons at different restaurants throughout the city.

The dance lessons started by teaching us the basics of salsa, progressed to a faster pace with more challenging steps, and then had us practice with rotating partners. The instructor gave us the option to switch or stay with the partner we came with. I was comfortable with rotating at first, but then I just wanted to dance with him.

We decided to stop rotating partners and practiced our newly learned moves with each other. It was so fun! I am not the best salsa dancer by any means, and I didn’t pretend to be. I don’t think I’ve ever giggled so hard on a date yet felt sooo aroused. There is a reason I don’t dance with men when I go out to clubs and parties. It’s too intimate a practice if I’m physically attracted to the person.

Lmao, I was not trying to be a Hot Pocket on this date. But shit, call me Little Caesars because I was Hot N’ Ready! We started dancing Bachata (one of my favorite styles of dance), and I nearly melted all over him. It was so hard pretending like I wasn’t ready to combust with desire at any moment.

But I pride myself on my self-control, so I know how to keep my composure – even when I feel like I’m struggling to do so. We spent the rest of the dance session laughing, talking, and just having a good time. I didn’t know how much I needed to experience such a moment.

We walked out of the venue and noticed a Little Free Library next to where we parked. We took some time to explore the books and read the blurbs on their backs. None of the books interested us, but we did learn a little about which book genres we individually enjoy. I mean, the night we met, he shared that he recently finished the book A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck. I knew then that he was an avid reader because who the hell brings up a book they read in the middle of a party…nerds, that’s who! His synopsis of the book intrigued me, so I read it, and it definitely changed the way I see faith.

Nerding out with him was my favorite part of the night. It felt freeing just to be. I felt like he could see all of me, at least the parts of me I had been at the time. We listened to several genres of music, and he shared his favorite when he’s researching or writing his political analyses.

We ended our night with some passionate kissing that left my head SPINNING! I have never in my life kissed a man who made my head swirl. At one point, I had to lean back and catch my breath because I felt breathless. That man was trying to take my soul through a kiss or something. I was struggling with holding on to my abstinence. I remember him saying something along the lines of “Don’t worry, I don’t put out on the first date.” I wasn’t worrying about him putting out! I was too busy trying to convince myself not to pounce on this man.

My whole body was on fire just from conversation and a kiss. I can only imagine what sex will feel like. I’m almost certain my body responded so sensually to him because he was the first romantic interest I’ve physically touched in four years. Although we only made it to first base, that was enough for me! I went home a happy woman that night.

We had plans to go out on another date that next Saturday, but he called it off for personal reasons. I respected his decision and thanked God for the opportunity to experience Mr. Lujo and one of my best first dates ever.

It worked out that he called things off because that next Saturday was the Saturday that my daddy died. I was even more grateful that I wasn’t on a date when I found out that news. As a stranger to me, Mr. Lujo wouldn’t have known how to console me.

I felt sad that things ended between him and me for a moment, but then the gratitude attitude kicked in. I am so blessed to have a beautiful dating experience like this one. Mr. Lujo could have strung me along and dogged me out like men in my past, but he chose to communicate and take charge of his life. There are so many beautiful lessons I picked up through this experience that I did not share. This experience is truly a gift from God, just like Mr. Lujo.

I pray he is successful in all of his endeavors. Mr. Lujo is an incredible man (from what I experienced briefly), and I believe that when he decides to be in a relationship, that woman will recognize the blessing she has. He will forever be a Sweet Picture in my Rearview Mirror.

Shoutout to the skill of detachment! Despite my walking around singing R U Mine? after him unintentionally putting me on to Arctic Monkeys, I understand that he wasn’t meant to be held on to. God used him to teach me a very special lesson.

My dating experiences from here on out will be better because of this one particular date. My future husband better understand because I’m not ever taking this article down. Lmao, he’d better up his date options if he wants to top this date. I even wrote an article to give some ideas: 10 Activity-Based Date Ideas You NEED to Try. I may be biased, but I am such a fun dater!

In retrospect, this man could’ve been the devil, testing to see if I’d fall for temptation. The only man in a bright red suit in the middle of a dark party…hmmm

Well, if I danced with the devil, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I doubt it, though, because God’s presence was evident throughout this short & sweet lovers’ story.

Mr. Lujo changed my life by exposing me to Arctic Monkeys and the song Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon. Now I can add rock to my musical experimentation genre. I look forward to what musichead will prosper into.

One last thing: unshamedly, I wanted to see if our sex would be on fire…I guess I’ll never know, and that’s okay! It’s better for me to hold on to abstinence right now.

What’s the best date you’ve experienced? Did you learn a lot from your experience?