They hear the slammed doors. They notice when hugs disappear. They learn what love is by watching you survive it. Children are always observing and absorbing what they see.
Here’s the truth:
Children don’t learn from what you say. They learn from what you live.
Let me show you how the cycle starts—and how fast it repeats.
Consider this scenario:
Two high school sweethearts fall in love. They’re young, passionate, and trauma-bonded before they even know what that means.
- She grew up in a single-parent home. Her father died by suicide. His absence carved a deep wound in her spirit. She spends years looking for a man to make her feel whole.
- He grew up in a two-parent household that looked “stable” from the outside—but he watched his father dominate and abuse his mother. His definition of manhood became: control the house, control the woman.
Neither of them was taught how to heal. Neither was ever asked how their childhood hurt them. So they never ask themselves either.
They graduate high school, get married, and have their first baby.
Then a second. Then a third. Eventually, they have seven children.
But behind closed doors, love becomes war.
What starts as little arguments becomes full-blown dysfunction. Make-up sex becomes their only form of communication. The silence between fights becomes suffocating.
And every child… watches.
They see tension replace tenderness.
They feel the chill in the room before the yelling even starts.
They witness the tears their parents never explain.
And their brains—still forming, still fragile—file it away as normal.
So when those children grow up?
They don’t know how to ask for healthy love.
They don’t know how to name their feelings.
They either shut down or blow up—just like they saw.
The cycle repeats.
Another generation of kids raised by wounded adults.
Another generation of parents too exhausted, ashamed, or unaware to break the pattern.
But it doesn’t have to keep going.
You can be the one who decides:
“This ends with me.”
You can become the parent who says,
“I wasn’t shown how to heal, but I’ll show my children that it’s possible.”
You don’t need to have had a perfect upbringing.
You need the courage to create a different one.
Because healing isn’t just for you.
It’s for every child watching you love, speak, cry, fight, apologize, and grow.
Model what you want them to inherit.
Because whether you’re intentional or not—
they will inherit it.
✨ Reflective Prompt:
What are your children learning about love by watching you?
Veronica Speaks 
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