Veronica Speaks

Owning Yourself, Not Others: The Power of Autonomy

Let’s get one thing straight: You don’t own anyone. Not your partner, not your best friend, not even your children (though, let’s be real, toddlers act like they own you). The only person you have power over is yourself. And that? That’s a beautiful thing. Let’s have just one convo about the beauty of autonomy.

Autonomy—the ability to govern oneself—is one of the most liberating yet overlooked aspects of personal development. Research from self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000) highlights that autonomy is a fundamental human need, just like belonging and competence. Without it, we stagnate, become resentful, and—let’s be honest—get real annoying to be around. Have you ever experienced a needy person and felt drained or not enough? Yea….I’m going to help you to not be that person.

So, let’s dive into why autonomy matters, how to embrace it, and why trying to control others is a recipe for disaster (spoiler: it never ends well).

The Psychological Perks of Personal Power

Owning your autonomy isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about thriving. Studies in positive psychology show that people who embrace self-governance have higher self-esteem, better mental health, and stronger relationships (Sheldon & Hilpert, 2012). When you stop trying to control others and focus on yourself, you experience:

• Greater emotional resilience – You’re less rattled by external circumstances because you know your power lies within.
• Stronger relationships – Mutual respect beats micromanagement every time.
• Higher life satisfaction – Living authentically leads to greater fulfillment and purpose.

Think about it: When was the last time you truly enjoyed someone trying to control you? Exactly.

@veronica.speaks_

You don’t own anybody but yourself. You do not have the power to possess others. Other people are not property which is completely contrary to our history. Experiencing people is a gift! Recognizing that they are not yours for the keeping also helps with detachment. I don’t care if your name is on a marriage license or birth certificate, that person/people is not your property. Relationships are gifts.

♬ original sound – With Peace | Veronica Speaks

Trying to Own Others? Here’s Why It Backfires

There’s a fine line between connection and control. The moment we start acting like someone owes us their time, affection, or decisions, we’re setting the relationship up for failure.

A study on autonomy-supportive relationships (La Guardia & Patrick, 2008) found that when individuals feel pressured, they withdraw—emotionally, mentally, sometimes even physically. The more you push, the more they pull away. This applies to romantic partners, friendships, and even professional relationships.

If you’ve ever felt the need to “make” someone behave a certain way, ask yourself:

• Why do I feel entitled to their choices?
• Is my self-worth wrapped up in their behavior?
• What would happen if I focused on my own actions instead?

Because here’s the truth—controlling someone else is an illusion. It might work short-term, but long-term? It leads to resentment, toxicity, and eventual collapse.

Autonomy in Relationships: The Art of Letting People Be

The healthiest relationships aren’t built on ownership; they’re built on choice. A 2016 study published in Personal Relationships found that people who feel a sense of personal autonomy in their partnerships report higher satisfaction and long-term stability (Patrick, Knee, Canevello, & Lonsbary, 2007).

Translation? The more you allow people to be, the more they’ll choose to stay.

If you want a relationship (romantic or otherwise) that lasts, start embracing autonomy:

• Respect personal space. You don’t need to be joined at the hip to be connected.
• Encourage individuality. Support their goals—even if they don’t align with yours.
• Communicate without control. Express your needs without demanding behavior changes.

The Freedom of Owning Yourself

So, if you don’t own anyone else, who do you own? Yourself. And that’s a full-time job in itself.

Owning your life means:

• Taking responsibility for your emotions
• Making decisions that align with your values
• Letting go of external validation

One of the most powerful lessons in personal growth is realizing that self-control is the only control that truly exists. When you shift from trying to manage others to mastering yourself, everything changes.

Final Thoughts: The Power of Self-Governance

Autonomy isn’t just a luxury; it’s a necessity. Whether in relationships, work, or self-development, the more you embrace personal power, the freer you become.

So, the next time you catch yourself trying to “fix” someone, take a step back. Redirect that energy inward. Because the best way to change the world isn’t by controlling it—it’s by mastering yourself.

And trust me, that’s where the real magic happens.

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Sources Cited

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.

La Guardia, J. G., & Patrick, H. (2008). Autonomy-supportive parenting: The role in individual differences and well-being. Journal of Personality, 76(6), 1521-1550.

Patrick, H., Knee, C. R., Canevello, A., & Lonsbary, C. (2007). The role of need fulfillment in relationship functioning and well-being. Personal Relationships, 13(4), 435-449.

Sheldon, K. M., & Hilpert, J. C. (2012). The balanced measure of psychological needs scale. Journal of Personality Assessment, 94(1), 91-104.

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